Jan 01, 2001
RAY: You remember our pal Vinnie Goombatz? Well, he had--and note the use of the past tense--two cousins, Rocco and Throckmorton.
One day, Rocco and Throckmorton find themselves in the middle of a little mob fracas. Next thing they know, they're both locked in the airtight trunk of a late-model Lincoln Town Car.
After the gunplay subsides, Rocco and Throck realize that if they don't get out, they're going to die. So Rocco begins beating on the trunk and screaming, "Let us out!"
It's to no avail. Rocco expends considerable energy and most of his air supply. Finally, after several hours, Rocco ceases his banging and screaming and, in fact, expires.
During this time, however, Throckmorton has done nothing. He hasn't made a sound. He's just lying there, saving his breath, while Rocco sucks up all the air.
Hours later, Throckmorton hears a car approach. He figures this is his last chance. He bangs on the trunk...sure enough, it's the police. They open the trunk and let him free.
How could Throckmorton possibly have survived for hours after Rocco had sucked up all the air and expired?
RAY: Well, what would you do, Throcko, if you were in there? How would you have survived?
TOM: How would I have survived? I would have stuck a plastic bag over my head, so at least I would have a little air after Rocco sucks up all the rest of it.
RAY: No, you should have put the plastic bag over his head.
TOM: No, but the plastic bag would have been a good idea. That would have been good.
RAY: No, but if you're going to hold your breath, you want to at least save some of the air ...
TOM: Yeah, yeah.
RAY: That Rocco is going to be sucking up.
TOM: Yeah, yeah, but you didn't have a plastic bag.
RAY: Did I say you had a plastic bag?
TOM: No, you didn't.
RAY: So why ... why would you deduce that you had a plastic bag?
TOM: I don't know.
RAY: What else is in the trunk, besides Rocco?
TOM: Oh, the spare tire.
RAY: Exactly. Throckmorton, being the lowlife that he is, that we knew he was, had to wait till Rocco expired ...
RAY: To maximize the time he would have on the spare-tire air. So he waited and did nothing, while Rocco beat his brains in, the poor thing. I can just see him now, eating a meatball grinder, the sauce dripping on his tie.TOM: Actually, that's not bad. So who's our winner, man?
RAY: The winner is Sean Devaney.
TOM: That's a nice name, isn't it?
RAY: Yeah, Sean Devaney from St. Louis, Missouri.